As I make my way to the compound of hyperFocus at Folsom Lake College this morning, my heart is heavy with the weight of my struggles. Before embarking on this journey, I felt compelled to reach out to you, my mentor, to share my innermost thoughts and feelings. You have always been a beacon of light in my darkest moments, and I feel comforted knowing that I can turn to you for guidance.

Today marks a significant milestone in my life, as it has been 14,180 days since I first arrived in America as a refugee. But despite the many years that have passed, I continue to grapple with the same demons that have haunted me since childhood. ADHD has been a constant monster, a relentless obstacle that I have struggled to overcome. I never wanted to use it as an excuse for my failures, but the truth is, it has held me back in countless ways.

The inability to focus, complete tasks, manage my time, and develop consistent habits has left me feeling worthless and uncertain. My life has been marked by chaos, disorder, and fear, and I have struggled to find a sense of stability and self-worth.

As I embark on the road to gratitude, I know that I must confront my past demons head-on. Even in March of 2023, at the age of 52, I find myself struggling with time management and task follow-through. Despite all the apps, books, YouTube videos, calendars, and journals, I still feel lost and overwhelmed. The vampire of inconsistency continues to plague me, and I fear that I will never find a way to overcome it.

But I know that I cannot give up. The key to defeating this monster is consistency, the repeated execution of small actions that will ultimately lead to lasting change. It is not easy, and it may take time, but I am determined to develop the habits that will help me find the focus and stability that I so desperately need.

As I write these words, my thoughts are jumping from one topic to the next, reflecting the chaos that still resides within me. But I know that I am a work in progress, and I am committed to the journey ahead, no matter how difficult it may be. And I am grateful to have you by my side, cheering me on every step of the way.