Let me regale you with my recent healthcare escapades. It all started when my daughter contracted pink eye. My go-to urgent care center, MD Stat, suddenly decided they were too good for my insurance. They’re like that ex who suddenly decides they’re too good for you. I mean, sure, they’re hot and all, but $195 cash price? No thank you.

Their sudden snobbery left me with no choice but to seek medical attention elsewhere. After some consultation with my insurance provider, I headed over to Urgent Care Folsom. However, they threw me for a loop by requiring authorization, which led to a frustrating game of phone tag with my insurance provider.

Thankfully, an actual nurse came to my rescue and secured the authorization I needed. However, the nurse practitioner at the second urgent care tried to perform a cornea scratch test on my daughter, who was sitting next to a classmate with pink eye. I quickly put a stop to that, as the last thing we needed was another eye problem.

But the challenges didn’t end there. When it came time to fill my daughter’s prescription, it turned out that every pharmacy in the area was out of the eye drops she needed. After calling around to seven different places, I finally found the one pharmacy that had them in stock. However, it was an 87-minute drive away to Trump Country in Grass Valley, California. I made the trek anyway, and it felt like a quest as I secured the very last vial of elixir poison grenade against pink eye in the entire Sacramento region.

On my way back, I treated myself to a large Dr. Pepper from McDonald’s. But when I handed over my $20 bill, I received way more change than I was supposed to. Instead of pocketing the extra cash, I did the honest thing and alerted the manager, Rosa. She was so appreciative that I thought she might even give me a hug.

All in all, it was quite the conquest. Who knew that seeking medical attention could be oh so entertaining?